The Sex Chronicles
by RubenCherrie
Summary: Eren and Levi share a series of promiscuous mishaps and scenarios that incidentally make their relationship cooler than movies even though at times it can be exceedingly awkward and hilarious. AU. Drabbles. Let's talk about sex, baby and what it's really like.
1. The Quickie

**Hello, fellow comrades in arms. I am here with new material for you to enjoy. Or not enjoy. I mean, I don't know your life or your schedule. Basically these are…I don't know, drabbles? (I always thought the length for drabbles was debatable.) To make fun of the fantasy sex that is portrayed in movies and a lot of fanfiction. Most of you know that sex can be awkward, hilarious, romantic, etc. But it's not always banging-ass bitchin' sex all the time. Things can get weird and someone needs to address this.**

**So this is what that's about and Eren and Levi are my muse. This is how they would react to REAL LIFE sexual scenarios that happens to us all the time. My hope is that you laugh at this or think "Oh my god, that's happened to me and my partner before!"**

**I will be writing about Hate Sex, Drunk Sex, High Sex, Blowjobs, Man-scaping, Road Head, Blowjobs, Morning Sex, Shower Sex, Threesomes, Getting Caught in The Act, Porn, Role Playing, Dirty Talk and Cum-Shots. **

**If ANYONE feels like I've missed something, please suggest something in a review. This is a fun, interactive story with you guys. If you guys suggest a really cool, funny idea then I'll always take it into consideration. Share your stories. Almost all of these drabbles that I will write have at some point happened to me. **

**So, have fun and read on!**

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Chapter 1: Quickies

Anyone who knew Levi was aware that the man had and needed his routines. Stringent and punctual routines that he imposed throughout his daily life. For example, when arriving at work he would park his car in the same spot for nearly three years strong, walk the perfect pace into the building – not too casually and not too expeditiously – take the third elevator on the right to the twenty seventh floor, walk again into his office, greet his secretary with indifference and demand his third cup of coffee that morning, shrug his coat off and properly hang it on the rack, take the coffee with the same indifference, watch subtly as the secretary studies his lips as they take of sip of the dark roast and secretly wishing it was her pussy, cast her away back to her duties, and then he would sit down and commence in a day of unwarranted phone calls, board meetings and the overseeing of all past, present and future projects.

It was redundant and tedious. Most would be driven mad by it, but Levi always fancied the idea of a rigid schedule. Especially when it came to his professional life. Shit would never get done otherwise.

However, currently it was six thirty in the morning. Work was far off in the distance. Levi's morning ritual was not as pristine as the rest, but nevertheless it was still habitual. Now the man sat alone at the kitchen counter, shirtless in gray sweats with his black hair wild from slumber, his first cup of coffee in one hands and a lit cigarette in the other. All he would do at this time – as the sun rose gently over civilization, is appreciate the quiet. Sip the bitter liquid and then take a drag of burning tobacco and feel how relaxed he was both body and soul.

That is until the bedroom door lurched open with a great force, slamming against the wall and ricocheting off of it as it shook. Out stormed Eren from a dead sleep with a trail of fire scorching in his wake.

Levi thought to himself how truly ignorant he could be. Of course there was no peace when you lived with hellion.

_Bam! Bam! Bam!_ The boy's feet stomped across the floor, disrupting his meditations. "I'm late!" he bellowed.

Levi paid no attention to his urgency. He realized long ago that doing such only fueled his fits or did nothing to simmer them down. So, the man stared straight ahead, inhaling smoke into his lungs and thought it better to kill himself slowly as his young, hot-headed lover cried like a child.

"Well, that's unfortunate," he said. "You should hurry up."

Eren didn't spare Levi a passing glance as he marched into the laundry room, speaking irately, "I can't believe you didn't wake me up! You know I have work at seven!" His voice drifted away as he entered a cramped room adjacent to the front door in the apartment kitchen and yanked opened the dryer door, pulling out article after article of clothing in search for a work outfit.

The sound of clean clothes lightly hitting the ground made Levi's eyebrow twitch, "I just washed those, brat."

Eren must have been ignoring him because the painful noise of wardrobes – most likely his own button-up shirts – being thrown on the tile floor continued. Levi tightened his grasp on his coffee cup and suppressed the impulse to shout. Instead he let out a long wistful sigh, stubbed out his cigarette and slid off the barstool in which he sat and walked over to the entryway of the laundry room. "It's only six-thirty, you know," Levi informed as he leaned against the doorframe. "What the hell are you worrying for?"

The boy plucked up a pair of underwear from the pile of clothes and threw it off to the side. He began to immodestly strip down to nothing but his bare skin as he spoke. Not that it bothered Levi. The man had seen this kid naked a million times.

"There's this phenomenon that all parts of the world go through and that's morning rush hour. It takes me forty-five minutes to get to my job. And – ah, fuck!" Eren fumbled with wrenching off his pants and day old briefs from his ankles and began to lose his balance, hopping around on one foot like a circus act while Levi watched him – amused. Once the boy got his footing back, he murmured heatedly to himself, "Of course he wouldn't know about that because he goes to the office whenever he feels like it. It's not like I have to punch in or anything."

Levi took a large gulp of his lukewarm coffee and wiped the dark residue from his lips with the back of his hand. Eren was now completely nude. His tan skin was always radiating in any kind of light, but that livid scowl would forever vex and captivate Levi at the same time. It was making his dick grow stiff for no particular reason at all.

Or perhaps it was the sight of that magnificent and lean naked ass right in front of him as Eren bent over to snatch up a clean pair of under garments. He should clarify; the image of the kid's body didn't bother him, but it never failed to arouse him and all Levi could do was lustfully gaze at it.

Eren caught a brief sight of it out of the corner of his eye as he stood upright. He cocked a ponderous eyebrow, "What?"

Levi shrugged, "Nothing."

Eren paused, taking a second to study those eyes. To the outside world, Levi's constant apathetic expression made for an impenetrable blockade. However, his lover could take one look at him and know exactly what he wanted or what he was thinking. And Eren deciphered that code in an instant.

"No."

"I didn't say anything."

"No, no, no," the boy recited as he turned a cold shoulder to the man. "I'm so fucking late right now."

Levi nodded absentmindedly to himself, glancing off to the side as if he were trying to preoccupy his mind to something else, but all he was doing was finding a suitable location to place his cup. The end table next to the door seemed good and it was set down promptly. From there he took three steps forward until his chest was a mere centimeter from Eren's back and Levi watched that delicate skin prickle with goosebumps as his body whispered behind him.

Eren exhaled an exasperated breath and craned his neck to peer over his shoulder, "What did I-"

He was immediately cut off by the sensation of a strong set of arms curling themselves around his waist, pulling him hard against a sturdy chest and hands slowly plunging downwards into his pubic hair.

"I really don't have time for this," Eren persisted.

It fell on deaf ears. Levi grazed his calloused palm over the brat's undeniably budding erection and wrapped his slender fingers around its girth, squeezing softly. "Yes you do," he whispered into his ear.

Eren's breath hitched as he restrained a moan inside of his lungs. The way his body shivered at the touch said it all, but his words kept making attempts to shoot Levi down. "Levi, come on. I really need to get to work."

"You seem to mistake me for someone who cares," he growled seductively and pushed Eren brusquely forward. The boy's body crashed into the dryer before him, knees slamming hard into the rough surface and hands extending to clutch the sides to prevent him from smacking his face into it. Levi heard him cry out his name in protest and all it did was fly right over his head. In truth, it gave him more motivation to tug his sweats down his thighs and expose his member – which was solid as stone. "It'll be quick," he assured, "I'll make you cum in two minutes."

"I…" Eren so terribly wanted to object because the man has done this to him on numerous occasions. He absolutely and irrefutably did not know the definition of a quickie. It took him a minimum of ten minutes to orgasm and that was not a guarantee. But, Oh Father Art Thou in Heaven did his erection feel amazing pressed up so firmly against him.

"Goddamn it, fine."

The invitation was then offered to the opposite party and from there Levi wordlessly accepted. There was not an ounce of hesitation in his movements – those skilled hands moved from gripping Eren's dick to spreading his ass checks in moments, caressing his sides and fingernails raking ever so slightly across his flesh along the way there. Levi had situated the tip of his cock against the kid's eager entrance just as quickly. Eren's mind barely even registered the feeling before the pressure of Levi forcing himself through his insides racked his body with violent shudders.

Two reason why Eren hated sex on the go: foreplay was impossible and they didn't use lubricant. It was always incredibly tough and uncomfortable initially – like he was losing his virginity all over again.

"I-It's…so dry," he gasped, muscles tightening as Levi's cock was pushed further into his ass.

Once again, Eren's complaints were disregarded. A palm was placed flat in between his tensed shoulder blades and then he was shoved facedown onto the dryer. His green eyes flickered upwards and saw Levi's left arm reach out above his head and grab the start knob of the machine, turn it counterclockwise to begin a new cycle and pulled.

"What are you doing?" Eren inquired.

"Give it a second."

Levi knew the mechanics of this dryer frontwards and back. Mostly because he did all the laundry. The piece of shit would delay for five seconds before loudly sputtering as it kicked on, and then it would squeal like it was in great agony and finally begin to vibrate so intensely that it would shake the ground like a Calfornia earthquake. That power was presently compressed against Eren's sensitive member and it made his knees buckle and his mouth open wide to release a hearty groan.

His slim hips were seized hastily by Levi and immediately he started thrusting deep within Eren's mind-blowing internal warmth, impelling the boy's arousal firmer into the tremor of the dryer.

Beautiful green eyes rolled so far to the back of his head that he nearly caught a glimpse at his brain. "Oh my god," Eren groaned harshly through gritted teeth. "Levi, a-ah! Just like that…"

Those delectable begs and whimpers could spur insanity into any man. At times it could plague even Levi's placid mind, cogging the gears that rotated the apparatus and reducing him down to nothing more than a horny barbarian. He observed in awe as their skin slapped together with every assault of his cock as if he had just discovered the element of fire. Meanwhile, Eren was pushing his own leaky erection hard against the pulsating machine before him, feeling a pleasure that rocked his very bones and moaning so animatedly he was almost sobbing.

However, that little brat still had enough cognizance to squint at that goddamn clock, "Ngh, fuck…you have…a-ah, a minute left."

What a cheeky bastard.

"Shut the fuck up, I know," Levi grunted, his voice unrefined and thick with frustration and fatigue. He plunged into Eren with all his might – to the point where he felt like he was stabbing his insides – at just the right angle where the man knew it would be a direct hit on the boy's prostate. However, Levi was so engrossed on getting this brat to orgasm that the scream that ensued from under him didn't even phase him.

If Eren didn't bust a load in less than forty five seconds, Levi knew he was going to look like an asshole.

And that can't happen.

So, he withdrew his constricted hands from the kid's sinful frame – purple bruises already forming where his fingers dug into his flesh – and placed his left palm even on the wall beside him and the right gripping a substantial hold of Eren's rich brown hair and proceeded to fuck the ever-loving dog shit out of him. The only conscious thing the boy could do was gasp for the air that was being thrust out of his being only to discharge it as a frantic moan soon after. But, Levi was too familiar with this young body. It usually only took three solid and precise hits to his sweet spot to make this glorious boy fall apart. He had a very low tolerance for ecstasy.

One.

"Oh, God!"

That was the sound of realization.

Two.

"Shit!"

That was the warning call.

Three.

"I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm fucking coming!"

That was the final notice.

And Eren inner walls began to cave in and clasped deliciously around Levi's erection. So hot and so fucking tight. The boy's cock irrevocably burst, a sticky string of white semen exploding from the tip and landing on the dryer, rolling down the sheen exterior from between his quivering legs. He rocked his hips gently still while the vibration of the spin cycle made riding out his climax damn near heavenly.

Levi came very shortly after, discharging a pornstar-sized load inside of Eren's ass and stiffening his lips so he wouldn't cry out. His orgasm crashed around him with such vigor that he clenched onto the brat's shoulders as the muscles in his back shuddered and spasmed.

Not too shabby for a quickie.

When the pinnacle of Levi's rapture began to die and his dick gradually shrank back to normalcy, he hauled his dizzy body off of Eren who laid limp before him with utterly no incentive to arise and finish getting ready for work and instead allowed the pulsation to shake his tired form. It was kind of comical and ironic. Levi let out an exhausted sigh and gazed down at the sweat glistening on his chest from overexertion. Such filth. He then indignantly wiped the perspiration from his forehead and slicked his hair back out of his face, thinking idly to himself how sex should never be that much work.

Yet, looking at the clock and seeing he had another twenty second to spare made him smirk.

Eren finally found the drive to speak at that moment, voice trembling from the dryer rattling his torso. "Oh my goddddd," he droned wearily with a smile. "That felt soooo good."

Levi didn't formally reply to the flattery, but rather he pulled his sweatpants back up around his lean hips, stared listlessly at Eren in his vulnerable position and uncharacteristically wound his arm back and gave him one strong slap on the ass, resulting in a shrill yelp from his lover.

Levi coolly placed both his hands in his soft pockets and spun on his heel to exit the room.

"You can go to work now."

* * *

**Oh my god, quickies...**

**Like, does no one understand that I have places to be? And the fact that your dick sticking out of your pants does not help and I'm most likely going to give into temptation? Talk about a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am.**

**Alright. Review, favorite, follow or ignore me. Whatever you wanna do. Tell me what you think and give me some ideas. I'd love to hear them! I'm planning to put Eren and Levi through a rollercoaster of sexual scenarios and hiccups because it's fun to laugh at ourselves. This was the first chapter so it was a little low key, but I play on making things much more outrageous. **

**And before I go! Someone please tell me if they've seen the snippet of Levi's English Dubbed voice from funimation and what you think about it? Because honestly…I think it'll work. If they edit some things I think his voice will be badass. It's so weird hearing him have such a low and manly voice – it's kinda sexy. I still like his original, but that's a given. If you wanna hear it without looking too hard, I posted it on my Tumblr that no one follows so check that out.**

**Anyways, fair winds! See you guys soon!**

**-Ruben**


	2. The High Sex

**Greetings fellow readers! I have come baring a new chapter of Eren and Levi's sexual endeavors. A few things to discuss. First off, in the last chapter I said these were drabbles because length was debatable. I'm taking that back. When you type 6,000 words – that's not a drabble. I am instead calling these short stories. I am too detailed-oriented to type a quick chapter that is less than a thousand words. I'm sorry, I need a little more girth than that. I sweat the small stuff. **

**Secondly, I feel in my gut that I'm going to get heat from the chapter. Why? Because it is the High Sex chapter. Which means Levi and Eren will be dealing with a little pot. Now, I don't really know what people's issue is with marujiana, but that is your own shit to feel uncomfortable. In the original anime would Levi and Eren blaze it up? No. Do I think it's fun to tweak their dynamics a bit in sake of a fun story? Yes. And also, I had a BLAST writing this and I honestly can't wait to see people's reactions. **

**So, basically, YES I did try to keep them in character. There will be a tad OOCness, I personally don't think there's much. Unless you squint. There will be drugs and sex and all that happy horseshit so get out now if you don't like any of the above.**

**That's about it. I'm sorry this is a little lengthy. The next chapter will be half the size of this – if not less. So, hopefully you guys enjoy and I will stop mindlessly chatting with you now.**

**Happy reading!**

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Chapter 2: High Sex

The ancient tale is told that God created the world in seven days and on the seventh day, He rested. On that sacred seventh day, God said to His people, "On this day, you shall take ease against your worldly struggles and prepare for battle on the morrow because the next day is Monday – the day of sloth, dread and chaos." Eren was not a Christian by any means, however if he was he would assume that is what the Lord hath said following the fabrication of the Earth.

Because this particular Monday had been shockingly unpleasant.

Eren was employed at the Coastal Electric and Finance where you were guaranteed "Simple Business for the Modern Individual" and have the undeniable taste of shit in your mouth when you get a phone call from the collections department when you remember that you haven't paid your water bill for two months. The conversation would start business casual, Eren addressing himself and stating his reason for calling and then receiving confirmation on whether or not the person on the other end of the line was in fact the same individual who the account was under.

And then it drastically turned into a hurricane of angry shouts and profanities once he revealed what they owed to the agency.

"I paid you guys at the end of last month! I don't understand why you need five hundred dollars!"

Eren has been presented with this scenario a thousand times – customers not giving money for the company's services for an extended period, dodging multiple calls and then eventually beginning to give payments again. They assume Coastal doesn't notice anything, but they know _everything_. Even when you take a piss.

In return, the insolence of the establishment and its clients taught Eren a certain degree of patience that was unfamiliar to his nature. He did not scream. He did not curse. Instead, he calmly sat at his desk, lifelessly staring at the computer screen of account information before him as if his soul was gradually being sucked out of his body. "I get that, sir, but that doesn't cover the month of March and April that your payment was delayed. You paid for the month of May. That is this month."

"I know what fucking month it is!" The man barked into his ear.

"You still need to pay for March and April," Eren continued, unfazed by the rudeness at this point. "Which comes to the balance of five hundred and fifty two dollars. We can set up a new payment method or you can give that to us all up front."

There was a pause on the line as if the guy was contemplating his surrender, but of course that would be too easy. "Fuck you, I wanna speak to your manager now!"

Eren closed his eyes tiredly and sighed, "One moment please." The kid then reached over, dialed the three digit extension and slammed the phone down on the receiver, mumbling under his breath, "Dickhead." Someone else upstairs could deal with him.

However, the moment he got the chance to enjoy the silence, his cellphone went off beside him and nearly made him want to smash a robust fist through it. Company protocol says that all employees are not permitted on their personal devices while on the clock, but Eren gave zero fucks about it. He snatched it swiftly and saw that Levi had texted him which made his heart flutter for a brief second before he actually read the message.

_I'm going to be late tonight. I have a meeting with management._

Eren groaned audibly before tossing his phone hard on his desk and furiously rubbing his eyes. He was quickly ascending to his boiling point and it was becoming more difficult not to burn this place to the ground to release his frustrations.

"What's wrong with you, Jaeger?" a stout voice inquired from outside his cubicle. Eren's heated gaze flickered to see his co-worker Jean Kirschtein standing in the entryway. They were box neighbors. He bullshitted around in the compartment next to him and would fling thick office rubberbands over the wall to piss Eren off on the daily. Yet somehow the boy considered them to be friends. Even though Jean wanted to fuck his adoptive sister, Mikasa. Fortunately, she possessed the strength of three fully grown men and disregarded Kirstein as a mere persistent flea that she constantly needed to bat away from her vision.

But, come hell or high water, Jean was actually a good person. So, Eren swiveled his chair to face him as he plucked the pen tucked behind his ear and threw it across the room, "Oh, _nothing_. Levi's just putting more overtime in at work that necessary. I swear that man is a workaholic. He goes to work for eight hours a day and then comes home and does another three hours of emails and phone calls."

"All work and no play makes the Overlord a dull boy," Jean replied.

"He's not an Overlord."

"The guy is unapproachable. He scares the shit out of everyone." Jean pointed a reproachable finger at Eren, his expression confused, "Were you at the Christmas party last year? Because I'm pretty sure you were the one that brought him."

"He's stressed," Eren countered weakly.

Jean shrugged his shoulders as he meandered his way into the small cubicle, "Whatever helps you fuck him."

The boy's eyes followed his co-worker as he bounded himself on top of the desk and contently set his ass on a heap of papers, resting his elbows on his thighs and leaning in close as if to make this a more personal conversation. Eren indulged it.

"I just wish he had a hobby – anything to knock him down a few notches."

Jean nodded as if he understood his troubles, "How about basket weaving?"

Eren glared vehemently, "You're not helping."

The man raised his arms in the defensive manner, but it wasn't like it would block the kid's shitty attitude, "Alright, alright." Jean strained his neck upwards and was barely tall enough to peer around the office, cautiously observing everyone hiding away in their workspaces and making sure they were distracted with phone calls.

Apprehension seized Eren as Jean hunched back down and got uncomfortably close, those eyes steely with a newfound look of seriousness. The kid began to scurry away. "What the fuck are you doing?"

At that moment, Jean dipped two fingers into his breast pocket and pulled what appeared to be a snugly rolled cigarette since it looked slightly rough enough to be shaped by the average hand. However, it was no cigarette since what Eren smelled what not tobacco – it was the sweet, pungent smell of marijuana.

Green eyes grew wide with alarm, "Holy shit, Jean! Put that shit away!"

"Listen," Kirschtein murmured faintly, lowering his head so just the two of them could hear, "just take it. Trust me on this."

"Levi and I don't smoke pot," Eren assured him anxiously. He couldn't believe he was being offered drugs at work.

Jean smiled sincerely and shifted his arm, extending his hand out and placing the joint in Eren's pocket regardless of his qualms. He then patted his shoulder gently and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "Take it. It's a gift. You'll know when to use it."

Eren's head jerked around nervously as he rubbed the paraphernalia buried within his clothes with a sweaty palm. Corporate offices were not the most ideal places for drug deals. He was surprised he was even endorsing this in the first place for he had never smoked weed before in his life and he strongly presumed that Levi hadn't either. However, here he was willingly accepting it because he sure as hell wasn't giving it back. There was something in his mind that was urging him to keep it. What a load of shit.

"Fine," Eren reluctantly answered.

_Oh my god, what in the fuck are you doing?_ he thought fretfully to himself. Levi was going to murder him.

"So, uh," Jean began to nudge the boy's arm playfully, jostling him out of his thoughts, "since I'm being so gracious would you do me a favor and let me take Mikasa out?"

Eren may have been distracted by his possible demise by the hands of his lover but his scowl was damn near instantaneous, "You touch my sister and I'll castrate you."

* * *

That particular conversation took place over five hours ago. Four of those grueling hours were spent diligently working until Coastal Electric and Finance's superior monarchy permitted their employees to leave. For Eren, one half of the last hour was spent driving sluggishly through rush hour traffic with a hand pressed tightly against his pants pocket where the joint had been hidden away. As if everyone surrounding him knew he was smuggling weed in his vehicle and it had him peeping around the highway the entire ride home for the fuzz that could be on his tail at any moment.

All that outlandish paranoia and Eren hadn't even smoked the damn thing yet. Or perhaps it was the image of Levi hovering over his body as he squeezed the air out of his throat that kept him in such a state.

The other half of the hour was spent quietly in the solitude the boy had come home to as he changed into comfortable clothes – beige cargo shorts and an old sweater – while ambling around barefoot and preparing a late dinner which would be his favorite: spaghetti. It was cheap and Eren always made enough to feed a village just as his mother did when he was young. Carla made certain every night was a feast – not simply a meal.

Currently, the stove was on a dim heat with hard pasta noodles cooking in water while a small pan of marinara sauce warmed up beside it. It would be another twenty minutes until dinner was finished which Eren had willfully anticipated that Levi would be home by then, however there were never any guarantees. Therefore, he went and sat down on the sofa to play the waiting game. The television was on at a low volume and turned to a world news channel that discussed at a twenty-four hour convenience of all the international strife and all the global phenomena that you should be scared of. Naturally, it was the first thing Levi watched at the end of the day.

Eren had no interest in politics and the deceivers who preached about it. They were as bad as Catholic priests. The serious banter amongst news anchors became nothing more than background noise as he reclined into the couch, his feet propped up against the coffee table as he twirled his marijuana cigarette between pinched fingers and seemed rather absorbed by it. The suffocating anxiety that he felt earlier was gradually fading away to a far corner of his mind as he thought about both what Jean had assured him and how Levi's personality was so easily strained.

It was no secret that Levi – who when angered – was scarier than the lowest level of Hell and just picturing his wrath made Eren want to tear the joint in two. However, when Eren truly mused about it and dug a deep hole to the roots of the actual issue he realized how fairly dull Levi had been lately with his compulsive vexing about perfection within his business life. It troubled Eren to see the man force his way through sleepless nights as he stared despairingly at a computer screen, scribbling accounts and numbers on a note pad while he smoked through a pack of cigarettes within hours. Never did the boy want to open the floodgates of Levi's mind during those stressful times which have been becoming progressively more frequent.

And in truth, Eren had not the faintest idea when he would return home. Meetings could take hours if Levi deemed the inconvenience to be worth it. That headstrong bastard was not controlled by anyone, but he was damn well controlled by his career. At one point Eren admired him for it, but after a while he began to see it as a sickness within the man. When business turned sour Levi would be in a restless condition for weeks and as his lover, it would upset Eren to witness his sanity fall apart.

It was unlikely that smoking pot would be a new hobby, but maybe for a night it would give the man some honest peace of mind.

After contemplating it extensively for what felt like a century, the clicking sound of the door knob being twisted open caught Eren's preoccupied attention. Instinctively, he stuffed the weed down in his pocket and donned a casual position on the couch as – speak of the devil – Levi stepped into the apartment wordlessly. The boy figured it to be safer to not to begin conversing with him just yet. Instead he listened attentively as the door was pushed closed and loud footsteps plodded across the tile into the kitchen. A forceful thud was then heard. It was a briefcase being throw on the countertop which was the first sign of a bad mood.

It was high time to act cool.

Eren peered up from over the cushions, studying Levi as he loitered around the simmering silver pots to see what was being concocted for dinner. Which didn't really mean much because he never complained about anything that was made. The man only lingered in that spot for a brief moment anyways before shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the rack beside the front door. His expression appeared dispassionate as usual as Eren watched him walk straight into the living room and drop onto the couch like a sack of bricks. Levi's stone cold eyes – those piercing and breathtaking icy blue eyes, stared vacant at the television.

Eren didn't need to look at him to know how detached he was from exhaustion. "How was your day?" he asked carefully.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

All the boy could do was give a curt and comprehensive nod even though on the inside he was tired of his boyfriend coming home like this. It wasn't healthy. Eren discreetly gripped the outside fabric of his pants pocket that contained the cure.

Levi was finally sitting down for the first time since his day had begun and he was not even given the grace of five minutes until his phone started to vibrate. He had such a splitting headache that the noise sounded much louder than normal. His inbox had been blowing up for hours now so at this point Levi couldn't even scream. He could however feel Eren's penetrating stare burning holes in his clothes. The man knew he shouldn't answer it, but he had a massive project underway that he was in charge of. Levi huffed out an exasperated breath and whipped out his phone, fatigued eyes squinting at the caller ID and then rolling in annoyance.

"Jesus Christ," he grounded out harshly through his teeth and answered the call with venom already forming on the tip of his tongue. "Hello? …Yeah. Okay, what's he doing?"

Eren folded his arms over his chest and exhaled hotly from his nose. It didn't go unnoticed by Levi for he sharply arose from the couch and trudged into the remoteness of their bedroom, talking impatiently with whomever was on the other line, "Why the fuck would he charge them a thousand dollars for a short change order when the job itself was five thousand for two weeks? He should charge per square foot."

Eren's educated guess – which really wasn't worth jack shit – would say it was either Hanji, Levi's partner in crime, or one of his contractors. Judging on the tone of his voice, Eren deduced it was the latter. The boy paid no consideration for the art of commercial chatter, but he did give a cursory glance at the open door when he heard Levi's voice begin to raise in octaves.

"I don't care what he says, that is cleaning and maintenance – those accounts are mine!"

Suddenly, it seemed like Jean's words to the wise hit Eren's nerves as he continued to listen to Levi shout into his cellphone at nearly eight o' clock at night over a fucking contract. His fingers twitched and nearly moved on their own accord as they plunged into his pockets and dragged out his joint, exposing it to the world. Eren's heartbeat stumbled in a clash of excitement and terror as he delicately placed it in between his lips. A lighter was always hidden away in a small chest on the coffee table for when Levi smoked his cigarettes at night. Eren reached over and unlatched the handle, opening the top and spotting down below a green Bic that was promptly seized by his right hand.

The lighter was pulled up to the end of the paper and the boy courageously ignited it, inhaling a full breath of thick and stifling smoke that licked along the inner walls of his lungs. Eren's body became rigid almost instantly as he held onto the burn within his chest for as long as humanly possible before coughing it all out. His green eyes swelled and watered while he noisily hacked up coarse weed smoke, his head slightly foggy. "Shit…"

The sound of Eren choking must have grabbed at Levi's conscious for when the he glanced up to see if the man had noticed his fit, he had already emerged from the bedroom and was leaning against the door frame. He was too consumed with his phone call to notice the marijuana blazing in Eren's hand. His vision was focused elsewhere. "Uh-huh, yeah," Levi droned apathetically into the receiver, phone tugged away in between his shoulder and cheek. "Well, how about this? You listening? Next time you see him you can tell him that he can go fuck himself, alright? Goodbye." _Click._

The conversation was then terminated. Levi irately scrubbed his eyelids as he wandered back over to the sofa and sat down with a sigh. Eren was a mere foot away, frozen with apprehension and hugging the smoldering joint close. He saw his lover's face contort as the clear scent of cannabis perfumed around his nose. It took one strong whiff of the air for Levi's neck to snap in Eren's direction.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded – the tenor of his voice almost skeptical.

There was an awkward pause.

"…smoking pot," Eren winced. It was the truth. He couldn't get pissed that he was lying.

Levi's composed demeanor nearly made his festering rage palpable if only he wasn't so blatantly stunned by what was happening. "You have got to be kidding me," he replied. "Where in the fuck did you get that?"

No sense in acting timid now. Eren concluded that he was already fucked. He daringly positioned the joint back to his mouth and took another long, hearty drag while his gaze resiliently held with Levi's. "Someone," the boy retorted as he exhaled, coughing out the fire in his lungs and shakily passing it over, "Here."

Levi didn't even glimpse down.

"No."

"It's for you!" Eren shouted defiantly.

"What would you think I'd want that?"

"It's to calm you down!"

Levi raised an incredulous eyebrow at that comment, "You bought weed to calm me down?"

Eren shrugged, "It was a gift," he answered and then urged his arm closer to the man, his expression stern. "Listen, if you're not going to try it then I'm going to throw it out."

For a moment Levi didn't budge from his spot. He sat perfectly still and silently deliberated his circumstances. Whatever resolution he came to had his hand extending forward to the outstretched weed ablaze in Eren's fingers and then uprooting it from of the boy's light grasp. Levi's eyes were collected as he stared fleetingly at the joint before him and then he shook his head, "I can't believe I'm doing this like some stoner teenager."

Eren thought he was in some bizarre foreign world when he intently observed his boyfriend – his callous, stoical boyfriend – pinch the paper between his thumb and pointer finger and suck in a colossal and unwavering inhalation of hot smoke. He held it deep in his torso for a long time before parting those thin lips and blowing it out in a dense line. Levi squeezed his eyelids shut, "Damn, that's strong."

Eren was so attracted to him right now. He let a girlish giggle that rang oddly in his ears, "I know."

"Fuck this shit," the man said indolently and inhaled another lengthy hit, the ember glowing brightly in the process.

"You look so weird smoking a dobbie," Eren snickered. His eyelids were beginning to feel as if there were lead weights attached to them and all he wanted was more of this peculiar sensation. He stuck out a greedy open right palm with a devious smirk, "Gimme."

* * *

Within fifteen minutes they had fogged out their living room. A thin hazed rolled along the atmosphere as the two of them slumped down in the inviting cushions of the sofa, gazing vacuously at the ceiling with half-lidded and irritated red eyes. The joint was mostly disintegrated – a mere lonely nub in Levi's limp hand that rested lazily on his thigh.

Eren had never simultaneously felt so strange and so incredible in his entire life. It was like the Earth was standing motionless on its axis and he could fully enjoy the simplicity of nothing. He could just stay here for an eternity and perceive all the things that he overlooked in his everyday life with a crystal clear awareness, but yet with unawareness. To not worry about something as sophisticated as conflict because there were so many wonderful things to appreciate – like how the carpet feels on your naked feet.

He was just so fucking high.

"I'm hungry," Levi grumbled unexpectedly, blue irises resolved to the white ceiling above.

Eren was so engulfed with his own profound reflections that he barely heard him speak. "Oh shit," he slurred and with great effort, tilted his head backwards towards the abandoned pasta cooking on the stove, "I forgot I made dinner."

"What did you make?"

"I don't remember."

Levi peered lethargically over his shoulder and squinted his eyes. Surely he could see it from here. "I think it was spaghetti," he recollected feebly.

Eren's gave him a perplexed look, "You hate spaghetti though. Why did I make that?"

"I don't know, but it sounds really good right now." The man continued to ogle hungrily at the food that was only a few feet away. He absolutely loathed pasta – especially the red sauce, but he was lusting after it as if it were a delicious steak. Levi reached a leg out and haphazardly kicked Eren's shin with his heel, "Go get me some."

Marujiana was an astonishing herb. Ordinarily, Eren would quip at his lover to get his own dinner – that he was not his mother. However, right now the boy was feeling lighthearted. He stood up tall with a groan and hiked into the kitchen like he was in a trance. The ground didn't sway beneath him as he expected it to. Everything was just coming at him in slow motion. He thought at least five solid minutes had passed by the time he entered the kitchen and he had to remind himself what he was actually there for before dragging his feet over to the cabinet above the sink. He clenched the handle tighter than necessary, pulling it open and stretching to grab two plates off of the top shelf.

He placed the dishes on the counter softly as if the tiniest of touches would shatter them to pieces. When he went to spin around to grab the pots from the stove, he jerked in surprise to catch Levi a few steps behind him with the almost depleted joint still glued to his fingers. He was even more startled when the man began to yank off his shirt and watched in entertainment as the constricting neckline got stuck around his head.

A bubble of giggles escaped from Eren's mouth at the sight.

"What are you doing?" he asked amusedly.

Levi grunted and wrenched the article of clothing off with force. His immaculate dark hair was now crazy with static, "I'm suffocating," he griped.

Sober or not, Eren found the spectacle to be hilarious. He buried his face in his hands and cried so hard in laughter that he nearly collapsed. Levi even succumbed to a chuckle and that was a wonderful sound that Eren had not heard in ages. They were actually having fun with each other.

Eren peeked an eye through his fingers and adored the picture of Levi looking incredibly handsome with such a genuine smile. No matter how small it was. The boy slid his hands away and stared – purely and sincerely – and it reminded him how unconditionally in love he was with Levi. His love was patient and kind. His eyes contained the ocean and drew Eren in with the tide. His words were playful and insightful and carried on through the most delightful of conversations. His body was built like a brick shit house and it could fuck with ferocity or it could make love with benevolence.

And it was intoxicating.

"You're really sexy," Eren purred.

Levi could practically sniff out this kid's growing need. A cunning smirk played across his lips and beckoned Eren to come closer with a wave of his hand. Those enchanting tan legs glided forward and those green irises had the hankering for sex etched plainly within them. Levi reached out and clutched the back of his neck, fingertips grazing tiny strands of that luscious brown hair and held him completely still. The man brought the dwindling joint up to his parted mouth, flipping the burning end towards him and clenched his teeth down on the soggy paper. He took a finger and tapped Eren's bottom lip. It was a gesture to open wide and the brat obeyed mutely.

Levi stiffened his hold on Eren, inclining them so close together that they were virtually kissing and propelled a fast and heavy link of smoke into his mouth. The kid shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, his lungs filling to the brink. When he could take no more, Eren stepped back – cheeks reddened – and blew out cannabis fumes across Levi's face, immersing him in a gray and white haze.

He chuckled mischievously, "I am so high."

Levi nodded, pulling the joint from his mouth and flicking it behind his shoulder, "So am I. Wanna fuck?" he asked frankly.

Eren gave a lewd grin.

* * *

Levi had a vice grip on the brat's thighs in zero seconds flat as he slammed him hard on top of the counter, his back smashing roughly against the wood cabinets. It was a frenzy of tongues licking the inside of each other's cheeks and excitedly ripping, tearing, unzipping and heaving off clothes until they were two shamelessly naked bodies clawing at one another.

Eren convulsed as Levi's mouth savored his skin – feverishly kissing and biting at the crevasse of his sensitive neck. In return, his hands grabbed at the man's velvet skin. Fingernails scratched and grazed and tore down his flesh, leaving behind angry red streaks. Levi groaned and his muscles became tense under his sinister touch. His face remained concealed as he fumbled a free arm out and frantically felt around the granite counters for the hand lotion they usually kept next to the sink.

Eren could barely wait. His legs spread themselves wide and wrapped securely around Levi's waist, urging their erections together and grinding along the sweet friction. It was electrifying. More so than usual. Every inch of the kid's body – from the top of his head to the tips of his toes – was scalding and overly responsive. He reached his right hand down between them and seized their throbbing members and pumped them against each other. Eren moaned lusciously.

Meanwhile, Levi rejoiced when his palm finally hit the lemon scented lotion beside the faucet. He snatched the petite and half-empty bottle. He snapped the cap open with his thumb and turned it over, squeezing enough of the substance into his left hand and then tossing it to the floor. Levi begrudgingly pulled away from Eren for a few seconds, quickly lathering his cock and with two fingers coated the lotion around the brat's puckered entrance, and shoved himself deep inside.

Eren's eyes widened significantly and his gasp was very perceptible. It felt so fucking stimulating that his knees shook.

Even Levi hesitated in moving right away because the sensation was sultrier than he could have ever imaged. The man leaned forward and pressed their sweaty foreheads together, breathing steadily as he rolled his hips.

It was a lot. The feeling was hotter which meant they both wanted it fiercer. Eren was actually astounding Levi. The brat was never one to vacillate a hardcore fuck as much as he did, but Eren was a mess. He bumped and grounded his ass violently on the man's erection with fanged bared and groans rupturing from his throat like a wild animal. Levi just let him go – captivated by his body and how those lean muscles flexed with every push.

However, it wasn't enough. Eren suddenly lurched forward and took a hold of Levi's face with both hands and kissed him wholly on the lips with such strength that he lost his footing and stumbled backwards. They both plummeted to the floor with a loud crash. The entirety of Eren's weigh came barreling down square in the middle of Levi's sternum and it knocked the wind out of him.

"Fuck, Eren!" he managed to wheeze. He crawled back to get some balance against the lower cabinets while this maniac was already starting to ride him.

Eren's ears were ringing – deaf of all sound, but not blind to his desires. He rocked viciously on his lover's cock while the pleasurable tingle of orgasm stung the tip of his own. He threw his arms up and clutched the counter with all of his might and his biceps rippled. Levi's eyes rolled to the back of his head and impulsively grabbed Eren's hips, hauling him down further so he could experience more of that warmth.

The boiling pot of spaghetti above them was going undetected.

Levi was thoroughly impressed with the brat's efforts to fuck him like crazy, but unfortunately Eren was too invigorating for him to ever get a sufficient amount of that erotic body. The man snaked a hardy arm surreptitiously around the small of his back and brutally flopped them over so that Eren was now firmly laying on the ground, legs divided around Levi as he laid out an onslaught of powerful thrusts to his prostate.

All the while, the silver pot of poaching water began to spill over the edges.

"Almost!" Eren cried, "Almost!"

"Cum for me," Levi ordered breathlessly.

The boy arched up towards the ceiling when a fiery explosion of white stars clouded his vision. He screamed to God as he released all over his abdomen, fists tightly balled and tears falling from his eyes. Levi was on the brim of his own furious orgasm and he immediately pulled out of Eren's tautness right before semen gushed from his dick. He gripped the shaft and shuddered as hot cum sprayed across the brat's bronzed flesh. It glistened off his inner thighs, stomach and chest in the luminous kitchen light and made him the epitome picturesque.

Regardless, Levi was drained. He dropped straight to his ass on the tile and attempted to catch some oxygen back before he blacked out.

Not a flinch came from Eren. His eyesight was unfocused and blurry. It had his world spinning. He thought maybe he would just lay there forever with Levi and bask in the afterglow. It seemed like the ideal eternity for him. However, off in the distance there was the distinct noise of sizzling. His mistake. Perhaps he was in Hell. He certainly smelled the fire.

Oh, wait.

"Shit!" Eren yelled and vaulted up from his place on the floor. He bounded towards the stove and grasped the black grips on the side of the gurgling crock, pulling it from the open flame and scrambling to the sink to avoid the searing water from splashing down on his bare feet. He deposited the ruined pasta in the silver basin and jumped back from the heat. Panting in relief, Eren turned back to Levi who remained in his sitting position on the floor. The man look tapped out of energy.

"Are you okay?" Eren questioned – concerned.

Levi nodded weakly, struggling his way up from the ground and stumbling slightly when he stood upright. He bet the brat felt pretty damned proud of himself for leaving his boyfriend in such a delirious state. But, right now that was irrelevant. Levi was parched. He lumbered over to the refrigerator and wrenched the magnetic door free and took out a full two liter of soda. The cap was twisted off with a passion. The carbonation fizzed and Levi chugged it down like a man who had been wondering the desert for a decade. Eren was mesmerized how he emptied half of the beverage in a couple gulps. He observed as Levi drew it away from his dry lips and stared at the plastic bottle as if it were liquid gold on his taste buds.

"This is the most magnificent thing I have ever drank," Levi affirmed with earnest.

If Eren didn't feel so spent after their glorious bout of fucking, he would have laughed harder at that. Instead he flashed a drowsy grin and let out a blithe chuckle. "The noodles are overcooked," he said. "Do you want some?"

Levi grunted like a caveman and approached Eren – liter of soda in tow – and pecked him on the lips, "I'll uh…be on the couch." That was a yes, he would like his spoiled dinner. His cavalier attitude would never truly falter, it was engrained in his biological disposition, but this brat knew his heart better than anyone. Although he molded himself to be indestructible, Eren could perceive it in those blue eyes that he was in high spirits at this very moment.

So, as Levi collapsed on the couch, Eren made two plates of spaghetti with a candid smile. He ladled out two giant heaps of noodles on the dishes, pouring marinara on his but drenching the other with garlic and butter. He picked them up with both hands when finished and had placed a pair of forks in between his teeth as he walked into the living room. Levi's overdone dinner was set before him on the coffee table while Eren took the spaghetti doused in red sauce for himself. They rested themselves on the sofa together, hovering over their plates of food and eating the chewy noodles with a gusto.

Weed could make the most disgusting meal on the planet taste like heaven.

Levi was shoveling it all in his mouth like a savage which was borderline hysterical because he always ate like the Queen of England was at the table. At one point he faced Eren and jammed his fork down to his pasta and said, "This is the best goddamn food you've ever made." Which would have flattered him, but the statement didn't hold much girth to it when you have the munchies.

Nevertheless, the rest of the night they gawked at the television, devoured most of the food in their pantry and laid next to each other – discussing insignificant thoughts that seemed critical to them and laughing boisterously at senseless jokes. They were romantic and complimentary to one another, throwing everything out in the open that went unsaid day after day. A care was not given to work or to their daily discords. All they wanted was to speak unequivocally – in their truth and in their sorrow – for they were so madly fucking in love with each other yet somehow they forgotten that. They had another round of fanatical sex because of it and stayed in the nude.

Eventually, Levi dozed off first on the couch. Eren was bewildered by that. Normally, he would have to coerce him into an agitated sleep. Gazing around their apartment, he noticed after hours of being blissful unaware, how disorderly it was. Not one single item – bags, wrappers, plates – that they had dug out of their kitchen was thrown away. It was all trash.

Levi did not say a word about it.

Eren rapidly blinked his eyes to make sure it wasn't an illusion and he found that it indeed was not. He looked upon his lover fondly who slumbered peaceful next to him for the first time in weeks.

And it was then duly noted by Eren that he needed to thank Jean in the morning, but still would not allow him to bang his sister.

* * *

**I'm seriously chewing my fingernails thinking I'm going to be put on blast for this. **

**Regardless, I fucking wrote it and posted it anyways. I think you guys are smart. I put a little depth in this chapter because I thought Eren and Levi would need a VIABLE reason to smoke dope because it is so unlike their personalities. I just want everyone to know I didn't just write this so say "LAWLZ! Dez smokin' hella weed – all bout dat louddddddd!" No. I would be disgusted with myself. Eren did it out of a good place. I don't know if anyone has been so obsessed with perfection with their jobs because growing up both my mother and grandfather were in sales and managing accounts. They wouldn't sleep. They were so anxious about work. Eren simply wants Levi to enjoy one fucking day without fretting about work. Understandable, right? But, I choose to make it funny. **

**I don't know how many of you have had sex high, but *ahem* it's fucking wonderful. I recommend it. **

**Anyways. Review, follow, holla at me or don't. Stay tuned for the next chapter! **

**AND OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! SERIOUSLY, I'M SO NERVOUS ABOUT BEING PUT ON BLAST!**


	3. Porn

**Man, I've been seeing all these fools hatin' on Ereri lately. I don't fuck with ignorance, but I bet they're a bunch of self-entitled twelve year old girls who still believe in coodies. Levi fucking Eren is not pedophilia you guys…it's deliciously hot. Sex with an older man makes things so much better.**

**Doubt they would know that though. Probably still dry humping their pillows. **

**Anyways.**

**Hello my darling little lambs. Welcome to yet another installment of the sexcapades. This chapter is a little short to me and it was meant to be. I honestly wanted to give you a more exciting chapter, but with finals coming to destroy my life I really haven't had time to write a grandiose chapter as I would like to. However, since I don't want to leave you guys hanging I decided to take a day out of my schedule to write this. I'm happy with it. It's short and sweet and to the point. **

**Also, if you guys could all be dears and go on my Tumblr page (link in my bio) and check out a post I wrote. It's called "EL James Did It, What The Hell? Why Can't I?" it's me basically describing a new idea for a Ereri/Riren story. If you guys could check it out and give me some feedback that would be really kick ass of you. Because no one else did. *insert sad face***

**Other than that, I encourage you read on little pigs.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Porn

Eren was becoming an old man, he knew this well. At the ripe age of twenty-two, he should be out on the town picking up some promiscuous honeys. Perhaps engaging in a bout of rude sex with them and then never calling them back. At least that's what normal people do on a Saturday to kill some boredom. However, Eren folded that hand – that glorious lifestyle – for spending his weekend days at home with his boyfriend, rolling around naked in a queen-sized bed, entangling the thin sheets in between their sweaty limbs and eating Chinese food in their underwear.

Currently, Eren was doing none of those. Levi left for Switzerland two days ago for a business trip. Of course, the kid had been invited to fly first class to arguably the richest country in the world to drink French champagne and rub shoulders with big corporate men, but no – you can't use vacation days without a two week notice, said the fat sack of shit who managed Eren's department. To which the boy promptly shredded all the man's in-coming mail in response. So, thanks to company regulations, Eren was now stuck in a vacant apartment, twiddling his thumbs in absolute monotony while his eyes were static to the television watching a show that wasn't terribly interesting, but not terribly uninteresting.

He was just bored to fucking death.

Levi wasn't expected to be due back from overseas for another day or so. Eren never knew with that man. Mysterious as a shadow in the night and fickle as an autumn sky when it came to planning things of this nature. That's when Eren found Levi to be the most frustrating. Especially when a robust youth such as himself hadn't been laid in several days. It would be nice to know when his lover was returning home so he could pounce on his bones. Christ, he had been thinking about it ceaselessly, making his frequent sighing during the day sound distant and wistful. Much like one of those pretty southern bells in classic movies who would sit in a sad rocking chair and gaze pathetically out the window until her husband returned home from the war.

It's a pitiful scene, really. However, brooding about sex was not the same as when Eren got lost in picturing it. That made his blood boil hot with delicious toxins. Today in particular, all the boy could do was imagine scenes in his brain – scenes so vivid that he damn near picked up the phone at work to call Levi a thousand miles away and tell him how badly he wanted to feel that wet tongue of his dip in between his thighs and make him squeal. Eren saw it even now; Levi sharp in a fitted black suit, blacker than the hair that laid so delicately above his frosty eyes, as he sat in the middle of an important conference. The phone would ring and he _would_ answer it and then listen intently to Eren's low voice husk naughty words into his ear. The man would not falter. His demeanor would never fail him in such a humiliating way. Instead, Levi would outwardly nod and speak into the receiver as if it were a contractor, but in truth – just below the table – his dick would constrict and harden like stone.

You could say Eren had a lot of free time to ponder about these ideas. And indeed, how they were vibrant and clear in his mind. It presently had him experiencing the familiar sensation of jean fabric narrowing around his crotch, creating an uncomfortable friction that made him wince and shift in his spot on the couch. Goddamn, he needed a good fuck. It was almost embarrassing. Eren felt like he was fourteen year old boy again, shrouded away in the seclusion of his room and reflecting about nothing but burying his cock in anything that walked.

At that moment, his fingers absentmindedly twitched and began to trace down his clothed stomach. Gently, he slid an open right palm over his masked erection and left it there. It had been a while since the last time he felt the need to masturbate. Levi was a very attentive lover in the bedroom. There was no need for it.

But, Levi wasn't here and his hand pressed against his mounting need was the only stimulation he's had in days. As much as it pained him – something must be done. Eren rolled his eyes defiantly at his urges, slamming his free hand against the sofa cushion and propelling his body upwards. "Fuck it," he sighed heavily as he stood upright on his legs.

Eren marched expeditiously across the living room as if a fire had suddenly been lit beneath his feet. They certainly seemed a little too eager to carry him in the direction of the bedroom. The very second he stepped beyond the threshold of the door, he rotated swiftly on a heel and threw it shut. Regardless if he was the lone soul dwelling in his apartment, there was something about having the door propped open that bothered him. When hearing the reassuring sound of the brass handle clicking in the slot, Eren went straight to his designated side of the bed and dropped down to his knees, lifting the skirt and peeking underneath.

There lay his laptop. It was really only used it for play. Never for work. The kid stretched out his arm and seized it in his grasp, pulling it out from the darkness and flopping it on the mattress above. Eren quickly followed. He climbed up on the plush white comforter – neatly and strategically placed over the sheets as Levi always requested it to be – and placed the thin computer on top of his folded legs. He wedged the tip of his thumb in the small crevasse between the keyboard and monitor and pushed it open. To which a chime activated as the screen kicked on and loaded Eren's personal desktop settings.

When fully initiated and operational, Eren touched a finger to the mouse pad and immediately selected the internet icon. He stared at the default search engine for a minute. Oh, decisions, decision. Which porn website should he have to honor to peruse today? He shrugged indifferently at his deliberations. Whatever. Eren began to type. _Click. Click. Click-click-click. Click. _Then tapped the enter key. The screen flashed white as the computer rummaged through the evil and perverted subdivisions of the World Wide Web until finally it vomited back a crude homepage – littered with risqué videos and gifs of nine-inch dicks.

It was laughable. Eren truly couldn't believe that he had succumb to this horseshit. Nevertheless, he debated what exactly he was in the mood for. Perhaps something hardcore, but not to the point where it grossed him out. The titles pretty much spoke for themselves. His eyes scanned over the monitor until they landed on a video that seemed to tinkle his fancy.

_Click. _

The media player started to load – gradually, but surely. Eren took the time to extend a hand over to the nightstand at his bedside and open the first drawer, reaching in and hunting for the lube he and Levi kept stuffed away. He felt his fingertips brushed against the bottle and snatched it in his grip, drawing it out into the open. Still, the video was not functioning. Stupid fucking – _bam! _Eren wacked his hand upside the laptop. As if that helped.

Eventually, the film launched and began to play a low quality porno. It got straight down to the premises of the content by opening up with a scene of two relatively attractive men, the smaller one on all fours with an arched back and ass popped in the air while he charismatically gave the other larger man fellatio. That was Eren's queue to hastily unbutton his pants and zip down his fly. The boy yanked his jeans down his slender legs with underwear in tow and kick them off of his ankles, leaving his stiff member exposed and laying at attention on his abdomen. The last of the flavored lube was dumped in his palm then, making it greasy and shiny before Eren grasped his erection firmly and pumped his fist. Slowly. Up and down, up and down. A soft moan rumbled in his throat, but did not escape. He continue to watch – a stranger's mouth wrapped tautly around another stranger's massive cock, wishing vigorously that Levi was the one whose hand was rubbing him off. Eren pinched his right eyelid shut to fantasize, to focus on an image much prettier than porn while his left one wilted just enough to continue in his active viewing. His lips parted slightly to pant out lustful breaths. It was multi-tasking at its finest.

The on-screen blowjob only lasted for so long before it took a turn for the vile sex. The man who was sucking dick like a bowery slut was punctually flipped over on his back, thighs spreading as wide as Moses and the Red Sea as the other pornstar positioned the tip of his penis to a loose and experienced asshole. The camera zoomed in as that mammoth cock was shoved deep inside. Eren could nearly see the veins pulsating. Hefty groans emitted from both parties as the angle retracted to a full picture of two naked bodies fucking like animals. The man on the receiving end was bellowing out screams and-

"Ah-aahhh!" Eren gasped out shrill moan as he squeezed his erection. The urgency was on the rise. His pace quickened. His dick was so slick, so wet – the lube was oozing in between his clenched fingers. The sticky noises of him pleasuring himself hit Eren's ears and traveled up to his depths of his brain, relaying a critical message.

More.

He wanted to do more. He rarely took the time to pamper his body like this and once the sweet aroma of sex hit his senses Eren knew he could get a little…excitable. Quite the whore, actually. Levi couldn't even pretend that he didn't fucking love that about him. If only he were here now to bear witness.

But firstly, it was getting ungodly hot. Eren shot a hand back and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and then heaved it off his body in one fluid tug. It was instantly tossed aside to the floor and gloriously the boy was writhing naked on the bed. He threw his head back on the soft pillows, bowing his spine and stroking his leaking cock faster and faster with sweat forming on his forehead. He craned his neck slightly to peak down in between his knees at the computer monitor with a flushed face, observing as these low budget actor fuck each other into next year. Unconscious and moved by desire, Eren's precarious fingers of his unoccupied left hand trailed in between his legs. They reached for his aching entrance, teasing the rim and coating it was excess lubricant before plunging two in side by side and stretching himself.

Eren whimpered and then wrung out a lengthy moan from his lungs that fell on no one's conscious except his own. Strangely, it encourage him. He began to rub his dick raw – jerking his hand and all the while probing himself until his escalating cries began to synchronize with those echoing from the porn video. His arm soon became sore at the rate he was pumping, but dear God he was just about to cum.

"Come on," he breathed, toes curling into the comforter, "Come on…"

He was so fucking close he could almost taste his orgasm. He couldn't stop now even if he wanted to.

And then he heard the ghastly sound of the bedroom door opening.

"Eren," the recognizable tone of Levi's voice called to him as he entered the door, distracted with the task of lugging his suitcase as he spoke. "I was calling for you, brat. Did you hear the front-" Very suddenly, the man stopped cold in his sentence and froze. It was a rare occurrence when Levi was stunned speechless, however coming home after an eight hour flight to find your boyfriend spread eagle and stark naked on your bed pleasuring himself could do that to the most composed individuals. The shocking silence that lingered around the two lovers could have ceased time. The only noise that could be heard was a piercing male voice screaming, "Fuck me, fuck me!" from the laptop speakers.

Eren's green eyes were wide and glistening with mortification. All the blood in his body surged up to his face. He broke out in the reddest blush that Levi had ever seen and frantically slammed the computer screen down with a snap and tried to wrench the covers over his now dead erection. "H-Holy shit!" he shrieked in utter embarrassment.

Levi brows furrowed as he relinquished his hold on his suitcase, carefully taking a step towards the bed. He definitely did not anticipate this little spectacle when he came through the door. "What's going on here?" he questioned cautiously.

This isn't happening to him right now.

"It's only Saturday!" Eren cried out – horrified at his current circumstances. "You said you weren't going to be home until Sunday!" The boy was aware of how awfully tragic he must look right now – veiling his unclothed skin and shouting like an absolute fool after he just got caught earnestly masturbating.

"Our meeting got cancelled for tomorrow," Levi explained slowly, still startled by the scene he had blindly waltzed into. "I flew home earlier to surprise you. Turns out I got the opposite." He paused, meticulously studying the brat's shamed expression with cold eyes. "Is this what you do when I'm not here?"

The inquiry had Eren instinctively smack his palm to his forehead and turn away from his lover. He was about to die of humiliation. "Oh my god…"

"There's no need to be embarrassed," Levi assured him collectedly. Of course, he was maintaining a stoic composure. Why wouldn't he? "You were touching yourself. It's not a sin. Except for that gay porno you were watching."

The man was successfully making this unfortunate situation even more awkward by tenfold. His resign disposition had a way of driving Eren further into madness. The boy gravely buried his face deeper in his hands, "Please stop talking," he whined. His cheeks felt like there were ablaze. He was breaking out in a nervous perspiration. With his mind spinning around several different methods on how to properly explain is indiscretions, Eren didn't detect Levi's form walking towards him until he felt the mattress shift when the man sat down beside him. He couldn't bring himself to look at him in such a dishonorable state.

That is until Levi reached down and opened the laptop.

Eren's hand instantaneously went to grab for it, "No!"

"Too late," Levi said as he hauled out away from the brat's hysterical grasps. The monitor switched on to where the video had left off and it continued to show the dramatic last minute of the promiscuous reel. He scrutinized the smut with a calculating look as Eren progressively hoisted the sheets higher and tighter to his body, casting his eyes downward in disgrace and gnawing anxiously on his bottom lip. Levi brought his hand up to his mouth, fingers massaging his jaw in an attempt to conceal his smirk.

"Can I get dressed now?" Eren asked feebly.

"That would be redundant."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I'm going to finish you off," Levi replied coolly, his eyes growing hungry for the brat's flesh.

Eren's head snapped upwards in surprise, "What?" He hastily plucked the covers up and glimpsed at his flaccid member, "But I lost my hard-on."

"Well, we'll just have to fix that," the man declared boldly as he shut the computer in his lap and placed it gently on the floor. When his ravenous stare came back to meet with Eren's dazed expression – that boyish, innocent expression that drove him wild – Levi clutched the comforter twisted securely around the horny little piss ant's body and hauled it away with force, leaving his bare skin unprotected to dark desires. Eren scooted backwards from the fiery lust that seemed to radiate from Levi's body as the older man crawled dangerously towards him to settle his lips a mere inch from Eren's cock, setting those silky thighs on his shoulders, causing his knees to part before him.

Levi drummed his fingertips casually against the boy's flesh as he gazed impatiently at the need that involuntarily and desperately twitched for his touch, "Before we start," the man droned, "would you like a pornstar alias? I could call you Backdoor Jaegerbomb."

The look Eren gave him after that comment was murderous. He glared forebodingly in between in legs at him and decided to swiftly raise a foot and knock it harshly against Levi's shoulder as a retort. Dumb motherfucker. The brat couldn't get out of bed fast enough.

Levi kneaded his muscle as he studied the magnificent sight of Eren's naked ass saunter towards the bathroom, fuming like a fired pistol, while suppressing the irresistible impulse to chuckle, "If you don't enjoy that I could always call you Little Boy Blueballs," he called after him.

Eren swirled around to face Levi in a heated rage. You could see the anger so plainly scribbled on the mean mug he was bestowing upon his soul. Other than having bodacious sex, Levi's greatest amusement was pestering his lover – so much hotter when he was mad. "Shut the fuck up! Can no one jerk off in peace anymore?" he shouted unapologetically, "That's what people do and you're mocking me for it!"

"Have I ever been one to mock?" Levi inquired jeeringly. That got the kid burning a heavy scarlet in insensible fury. How it entertained his spirit so.

Eren opened his mouth to counter, but instead hesitated with his premeditated foul remark. Don't feed into the bullshit. He curtly waved his hand as if he were batting away a bothersome fly, "You know what? Forget it. I'm taking a shower." A resolute finger was then jabbed in Levi's direction, "Do not follow me."

The older man nodded understandingly and watched the boy disappear into the bathroom. He sighed and submerged his face into the comfort of a linen pillow. From afar, Levi appeared solemn. However, hidden away was an atypical, amused smile.

_This brat is just too easy_, he thought with an even more atypical chortle.

* * *

**Hope you guys received a good laugh out of this one. I told you it was to the point. I so badly want to give you hints for the next chapter because I am GEEKED THE FUCK OUT about it. This one scene I'm writing – all of you are going to late 90's fangirl on me. Well…I guess that was a small hint. **

**Anyways.**

**Review, follow, favorite. Whatever.**

**And just a general announcement, I just got finished watching Soul Eater and now I'm wet for Death the Kid and Stein. Expect me to branch out with this ship because I don't even know if it fucking exists, but I'm brewing some shit. Fuck some haters. **


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